Eli’s school papers are in the consulate, again. Now we wait for them to call for another Visa interview. The poor boy wants to come here so much, even more since he saw the orientation photos. His host brother has been helping him with his English. Eli is so ready to be an exchange student.
Ian, Che, and Mia are all adjusting well. So far. I’m sure I’ll get a phone call when a problem gets big enough it can’t be ignored. The kids all have first-time host families, who are afraid everyone is judging them. I think they are treating the students as guests. One of our other kids has moved already. The hostmom decided she really didn’t want to host. 2 weeks isn’t a record. It’s not even close.
Our quickest eviction was 3 days. The boy had very limited English skills, but was really sweet. The first-time host parents wanted a soccer-playing boy because their 2 sons lives revolved around soccer. Our boy wasn’t too good at soccer, but was a superb swimmer. He beat both host brothers in swim races. They didn’t like the competition. I think they also wanted either a soccer coach or a ringer for their team. The sheriff was called to the house in the middle of the night saying they had a 911 call (from a computer chatroom in another state) that the foreign exchange student was going to stab and kill the father. Grandma answered the door, and didn’t even bother waking hostdad up. The next morning, we received a call to come get the kid IMMEDIATELY. The reason was that the boys were frightened by the crazy exchange student, and the family wanted him shipped back home. Husband and I go to pick up the boy, and he was happy to see us. Then we had to tell him he was coming with us, along with his belongings. It took a while for him to understand. The host family was rude to us, and the student. We brought the kid back to our house for a few days, and then he went to his counselor’s home for a week until he could move to his new permanent family. He was a well-mannered, sweet, kind boy….who just didn’t play soccer well enough for the family. The parents didn’t believe their sons made the prank 911 call, they insisted our student made the calls. He couldn’t speak or type English well enough to pass for an American.
Sparky called last night to bitch. I ‘got him in trouble’ at school. Classes are usually over by noon, and I called at 2:00pm. He was in a special assembly, and his cell phone was confiscated. He’s doing better, he’s been having reverse culture shock. We miss each other. Husband was home, and got to talk and tease him. Jon and Jen are doing well, and are having fun.
I’m a Target shopper. Sparky asked me last year ‘Why don’t you shop at Wal-Mart like normal people?’ I said to look at the people going in and out of Target. Then we drove to Wal-Mart, and people-watched. He never asked to go to Wal-Mart again.
Which leads me to Behind the Counter, a blog written by a Wal-Mart customer service clerk. He is a great writer, and has much to write about. His Florida store attracts the freaks. His daily posts are wonderful, and break back memories of working retail. I had a small jewelry store, and then Wal-Mart opened nearby. People liked the prices at Wal-Mart, and didn’t believe there were any quality differences.
We have progress! The consulate sent an email to 2 Congressman, and CALLED Eli. A third congressional office called the consulate, and received the same information. Of course, it’s not the consulate’s fault, but I don’t care what their story is as long as the kid gets here.
Please be advised that Eli was interviewed on August 2. During his interview he stated twice – first to the interviewing officer and then a native-speaking colleague to make sure he had graduated from high school. He did not bring any documentation to support otherwise. Therefore, under FAM 9 FAM 41.62 N4.10-1, this student was refused. Today we have contacted Eli and have requested that he obtain and present proof from his high school that he is still enrolled and in fact, not graduated.
I hope they schedule his new Visa interview this week, and he arrives in time for the beginning of school. I’m just never satisfied.
Filed under: Culture, Exchange Students | Tags: Advice, Culture, FES, hosting, Hygiene, Odor, Silly, smell, stinky
Is it a scent or an odor?
I think Axe body spray is the work of the devil. Some of the students must use a can a week of that crap. PUKE.
It’s not uncommon to have a chat with your student about scents….or odors. Almost annually, I have to say something about the amount of cologne students use. The conversation is usually held in a car, with the windows down, and my head hanging out the window as discreetly as possible. I try to tell FES that cologne should only be detected by someone hugging him. I tell FES many Americans are allergic to perfumes, and we don’t use as much as some other countries. I also tell FES it’s not necessary to reapply the cologne each time she leaves the house.
We also have the hygiene speech. It was hot Saturday at Orientation, and some of the kids really smelled. I always talked to the girls at Orientation as a group before bedtime about hygiene, flirty behavior, and appropriate clothing. The female night chaperone asked me what I used to say to the girls before lights out, but I don’t know if anyone spoke to the boys. I gave Ian, Mia, and Che travel sized toiletries as part of their welcome gifts.
Have you noticed that your FES smells different from the rest of the family? When the kids first arrive, they smell different to me. I think it has to be diet, because the smell goes away after a bit. I can tell when the kids get sick though, they smell ‘sick’ to me. I know it’s weird, and I can’t explain it.
Americans just don’t like to smell other people.
Coke bottles. That’s me. 20/2500 vision. I can’t even see an eye chart on the wall, let alone the big ‘E’, but I can see the wall. I need my glasses. I’ve broken four this year. I try to keep 3 pairs in rotation, but I keep dropping them. They are heavy, so they land lenses down. When they fall, the lenses chip or scratch or the frame cracks. I use glass lenses because they are more precise than plastic, and I need all the help I can get. I gave up my contacts about 5 years ago. I couldn’t see as well with contacts. I typically replace a pair every year or so as styles change. This is the first year I’ve broken glasses in a long time, and never multiples. It’s an expensive whoopsie; about $400.00 each.
Filed under: Exchange Program, Inbounds Inbounds | Tags: Bitching, FES, Inbounds, Orientation, Rebounds, Sparky
Orientation is over. Everyone lived. The program’s adults outnumbered the kids by over 2-1. By now, you realize I live love to bitch. However, since the adults are all volunteers, and I gave up my position of ‘Queen of the Universe’, I’ll play nice. The t-shirts were nicely folded.
I had a great time with the new kids. I had them all to myself for over an hour at the beginning. I missed the parent-counselor orientation meeting to chaperone the kids. Someone had to chaperone them, you can’t just leave 15 students who just met each other standing in a parking lot. That’s not a very hospitable welcome. I passed out squirtguns, and that broke the ice. They had fun, and got to know each other a bit. This is the smallest group we’ve ever had, and they all seem like good kids.
Husband and I got to spend time with some of our former outbound students. We love catching up. Three of our favorites were at Orientation; one just returned from an interview at Harvard, the second graduated magna cum laude with a double major, and the third is donating a kidney next month. Impressive! (The organ donation deserves it’s own posting.)
We got Sparky’s gift finally. My own fault for not being able to meet Ian before yesterday. I opened it in the car, and started crying. The damn kid sprayed his cologne all over everything, and it smelled like him. He sent us his flag, because he just hated seeing large flags of other countries in his room, in his house. I’m supposed to use his to cover one of the others. He wrote a wonderful letter, too. We miss Sparky.
Filed under: Exchange Program, Inbounds Inbounds | Tags: Eli, FES, me, Silly, Visa
Doesn’t ‘Soft Denial’ sound like a romance novel? Or girly porn movie? Nope, just part of Eli’s Visa saga. For the last 3 weeks, it’s been ‘administratively delayed.’ My Congressman’s immigration specialist has been very helpful. This morning, she called and said ‘It’s a soft denial.’ She said she’s never heard that term used before. I googled ‘soft denial.’ It “is a simple refusal to issue a visa based on the paperwork submitted. These denials can be overcome by submission of additional documentation at a subsequent consulate interview.” I think it’s code for ‘I hope you just give up and quit asking.’
Momma needs a drink. maybe 2.
Tomorrow is our orientation. All of the students, host parents, and counselors must attend as mandated by the State department. Let’s see how many families and counselors don’t show. I’m guessing over a third. Last year we had almost perfect attendance. The people who don’t attend tomorrow’s orientation session still must be trained. Someone (not me!) has to go to their homes and train them individually. It’s a pain.
I’ve been trying to see advantages in not being in charge. A big plus is I get to be myself, not ‘Queen Bitch.’ It’s difficult getting students who only get together once a month to be quiet, pay attention, or move in a timely way. It’s like herding cats. I yelled a LOT. The adults milled around, and didn’t want to be mean chaperones. We always had a lot to accomplish in a small amount of time. I bought squirt guns for tomorrow. I’ll have fun, and it’s a great ice breaker for non English speaking kids. Maybe I’ll squirt a few adults who piss me off.
Edited to add: Ohmygawd. The people in charge have never emailed the hostparents. I emailed my 4 hostparents a ‘save the date’ 3 weeks ago, and reminders. The kids weren’t told to bring passports, landing cards, money to reimburse their SEVIS fees, or their cameras.
Filed under: Culture, Inbounds Inbounds, Outbounds Outbounds | Tags: Eli, FES, Home, Sparky
Outbounds-Jen and one of my unnamed outbounds both have some homesickness. They felt better when I assured them it’s normal. Unnamed outbound has been keeping in close contact since she left the states. She may even get named soon. Jon is driving Sparky crazy. Jon is like a bouncy puppy, and while the two guys are close, they’ve never lived together. A few of the other outbound students have set up blogs, and I am very impressed with their writing. They express themselves much better than I do.
Inbounds-All quiet. Our orientation is Saturday. The kids will all get to meet each other.
Waiting inbound-Poor Eli is still waiting. I sent out one final round of emails today. Hostmom sent emails out too-she even sent one to Dick Cheney. I loved that! I finally spoke to one of my senator’s reps today. I’m not sure how effective she’ll be; her email signature states her job title is ‘casworker.’ Eli’s Visa has been pending for three weeks.
Me-I couldn’t sleep last night, even with Lunesta. I’m nervous and excited about orientation. I’ll be happy to meet all the students. This will be the first orientation in many years that I haven’t planned, organized, shopped for, and directed. I have no responsibility on Saturday. I resigned as our program’s inbound student coordinator. I loved my position, and want to return some day. Our program has gone in a different direction in the last year, and I needed to step back to keep my sanity.
I wouldn’t say I was anal, but I had a great attention to detail. Wanna laugh? I’ll give you an example. The students arrive with varying English skills, and strong accents. It’s difficult to communicate this first weekend. We have them play sporting games. It burns off energy, and we can observe the students while they play. We divide the students into 4 teams. I designed a new t-shirt annually, with the teams and the kids’ names on the back. I bought men’s and women’s styles, and asked the students for their correct sizes. I had 4 coordinated colors so they’d photograph well. I divvied the teams apart according to language spoken, world geography, and living distances here. I kept the students apart from the above so they’d get to know each other. It also made it easier for us to tell the kids apart. If there are only 3 girls on the green team, and they are from Taiwan, Argentina, and Denmark, it’s pretty easy to know who is whom. I made and attached name tags to the t-shirts, and had them folded and ready to wear. I miss doing all the preparing. (I did all the t-shirt prep at home so no one knew how much time I put into it.) I enjoyed it. I don’t garden, play cards, or go antiqueing. I lack the Martha Stewart gene. Student exchange is my hobby. Husband loves it, too.
Filed under: Depression, Exchange Students, hosting | Tags: Advice, Culture, Depression, FES, homesick, hosting
What do you do when your FES is so homesick, he or she wants to return home?
- Gather information. Why is FES on exchange? Was is his decision, or did his parents force him? Does he have a serious girlfriend back home? Do his parents support his exchange, or does his mom want him back home? Is anyone important to him seriously ill?
- Find someone who speaks the same language. The best person to talk to FES is an emigrant from her own country. The second best would be a former exchange student who was in her country. It really helps to have someone who understand’s your child’s culture available for assistance.
- Is your student physically healthy? We’ve had students lie about their health. We host and sponsor students with depression; but some parents ‘doctor shop’ so their child appears healthy. We have hosted students with depression who came without their medication and tried to hide it. We have also had students with anorexia and severe nightmares that weren’t listed on their applications.
- Ask why FES is homesick? Does she miss her dog? the food? her friends? her normal routine? Is she missing a festival or large celebration? Has she ever been away from home before? Husband and I hosted a student who had never spent a night away from home without his parents-he never even stayed with a neighbor or grandparent! I have no idea what he and his parents were thinking. He lasted 3 months, and returned to The Netherlands.
- Keep FES busy. Body- To get the endorphins moving, to tire him out so he’ll sleep at night, and to counter potential weight gain. Mind-He might forget how miserable he is if he has fun. You don’t want FES to sit and brood. Keep ‘em occupied. I can’t stress enough the importance of keeping busy .
- Remind FES of why she’s an exchange student. What are her goals? Does she need to learn English to have a better career back home? A short-term sacrifice will mean an improved life for her and her family. If she can get through this year, or at least Christmas, she can do anything. Aim for Christmas, all year may just seem impossible at this point.
- Introduce FES to other exchange students. He should know he’s not the only one with these feelings. (Almost) Everyone else is lost, too. Some of the kids think everyone else is just fine, and they are weak for being sad. I want to shake them and say “You’re 17, in a foreign country, speaking a new language, eating new food, and you know no one. Of course you’re miserable!”
- Ensure FES is eating a balanced, healthy diet. Check to make sure FES is sleeping. Homesick kids sometimes sneak and chat online in the middle of the night.
Acknowledge that being an exchange student isn’t for everyone, and you may not be able to save the exchange. Try to get FES to stay for at least 10 days, then a little longer. The student should try to stay as long as possible. Too many students quit, then realize what a huge mistake they made by returning home.
Filed under: Exchange Program, Exchange Students | Tags: Advice, FES, Gay, Lesbian
WordPress lets me know what search words people type in before they click to my blog. Someone typed ‘gay exchange student’ today. It wasn’t the first time, so I want to address the question. My program sponsors and hosts gay exchange students annually. I think exchange students are strong individuals who know there is more to the world than their small towns. Many US teens who become exchange students feel ‘different’ or that they don’t fit in.
We advise gay students that they may be more comfortable in Europe, but the students who have chosen South America have had great experiences as well. I don’t know about Asian countries. We advise the students to be discreet, the same as we do with students who are very religious. We want the kids to blend in to their new homes.
I can’t think of any openly gay or lesbian students that we’ve either hosted or sponsored while on exchange. The students may come out after they go to college. We keep the student’s secret. I try to introduce potential outgoing students to older gay students so they can learn about potential difficulties in specific countries. Note: I previewed this post with a few of my former students. One suggested that you not mention it to host families who may not be understanding. (This same student’s parents don’t know yet.) Someone in the country should be trusted, your counselor or other adult. He also said it’s more difficult to make friends, but it’s also easier to make friends. If you choose to tell your new friends, you’ll find out if they are your real friends or not. quickly.
Update 8/30: Since this posted, I’ve had one or two search engine referrals daily for ‘gay exchange student.’ That’s a lot, especially for a blog that averages 75 views a day. I’m not sure what to tell you. I’m not an expert. People go on exchange for different reasons. Most US students go between high school and college for a fun year. Just make sure you aren’t running away from something, you should be looking for something.
