Filed under: Depression, Exchange Students, Inbounds Inbounds, Outbounds Outbounds | Tags: bored, Culture Shock, Depression, homesick
How is your student doing? If you are a FES abroad, how are you? Is life good?
Physical Self-Are the headaches going away? Are you getting enough sleep, but not too much? Has your stomach adjusted to the food? How is your weight-stable, or are you gaining/losing weight? Are you getting enough exercise?
Mental Self-Can you help yourself when you’re lonely, bored, sad, or homesick? Are your language and comprehension skills improving? If you take medication regularly, do you remember to take it? Do you have someone to talk to? Do you feel strong and confident?
Emotional Self-Are you crying for no reason? Do you get frustrated and feel like you just can’t think? Are you slowly distancing yourself from ‘home’ to your new home? Are you enjoying yourself?
If you need help, ask for it NOW. Don’t wait. It’s much easier to fix a small problem now than a big mess later. “Things will get better” isn’t always true. People want to help you. We all know this is one year-your year. You aren’t alone.
Filed under: Culture, Exchange Students, Inbounds Inbounds, Outbounds Outbounds | Tags: bored, Culture Shock, Depression, homesick
From last year: Is your student homesick, depressed, or bored? The students have been in their new countries, including the US, for 6-7 weeks now. They are over the initial culture shock, and they are able to communicate in their new languages. They should feel comfortable within their host families, and have new friends. Everything should be wonderful. This is supposed to be “The Best Year of Their Lives” But sometimes, it’s not.
It’s the second wave of culture shock. Their lives have become routine. What the students are doing now is what they’ll be doing for the next 8-11 months. The realization that they are living in a family with rules, the family sometimes annoys them, school is boring, and their lives are almost what it would be if they didn’t go on exchange. Except they’d be back home with their friends, families, and pets.
Solution? Keep them busy! The kids should have all sorts of activities going on. They should be playing some type of sports, or getting exercise of some type daily. The students should join clubs-Drama, Language, 4-H, Scouts, Chess, Swim team, etc. Most of the kids should not come home from school and stay all night. (Sparky, P, and Cle were all content to stay home often, but they were happy. They weren’t homesick or bored. Husband and I also didn’t expect them to be our little friends and stay to keep us company. Some host families want to keep the students all to themselves. That’s not healthy for anyone.) They are exchange students to learn the culture of their country. Let them visit with another exchange student, or invite one overnight. The student should see his counselor regularly. The exchange program should have activities at least once a month for the kids. The host family should plan activities with the student; they don’t have to be expensive-go for a hike, go fishing, or yard sale shopping. Take the student to a football or volleyball game, and permit (shove) them to sit with friends and go out with the others after the game. Take the student to help volunteer-She can coach younger kids, he can visit senior citizens. Anything to take their minds off of themselves.
Good article from Worldwide Classroom about culture shock. Here’s one from Wiki.
A simplified definition of culture shock is that everything you assume to be normal and typical isn’t. All the stuff you do throughout the day without thinking can be done differently throughout the world.
Bathroom differences are huge. One of my girls is in Brasil, and the shower temperature isn’t adjustable. It’s a steady barely lukewarm. She doesn’t feel well, and really wanted to take a long hot shower. A long hot bath was her first choice, but her new home doesn’t have a bathtub. I picked up Chileans and Bolivians, and have to tell each of them to throw the TP in the toilet. I forgot to tell one of my newbies, and his hostdad had to have the talk with him.
We eat cereal, eggs, or cold pizza for breakfast. Other cultures may eat bread with a slice of ham, mushed up avocado on bread, or fish soup. If you’ve gone your entire life with lunch as the main meal, it’s a shock to have a light lunch. It’s the same if dinner has always been at 6:00pm, and now it’s 10:00pm.
There are several stages to culture shock. Honeymoon-everything is new, different, and fun. Pissy-everything is new and different. Humph! Integration-The new begins to feel familiar. Completely integrated-you understand the new and old cultures and how they can co-exist inside. Reverse culture shock-when the experience is over, and you’re expected to go on with your old life.
It’s titled Orientation Handbook for Youth Exchange Programs. The book is online in it’s entirety. This book is from 1989. I think we used to own it. I do remember reading it when it was about the only resource available. (Remember the dark ages before the Internet?) Much of the information is outdated, but the basic concept is sound. Read this if you have no other resources.
Filed under: Culture, Exchange Students, Inbounds Inbounds | Tags: Culture Shock, Reverse Culture Shock
Colorblind Cupid asked a question in response to my food post. She asked if FESs miss more than our food when they return home. Oh, yes. A partial list just from this year’s students:
- They appreciate our willingness to take new people into our lives. They think that we are much more warm and friendly than they believed before they arrived. The kids were astonished that people hosted them because they wanted to, not because they had to take them. All most other countries have mandatory hosting-if your kid goes out, someone comes to your home. They were surprised that they in turn love some people here after just knowing them for a few short months.
- They liked the idea of volunteering to help strangers. Just to do good without expectation of any reward was a new concept for many of them.
- They loved high school sports. As far as I know, we’re the only country with public school sports teams. They love the camaraderie, and how important the games are to the entire school or town. One of the kids said she loved how if the team won, everyone went to the pizza shop, but if the team lost, everyone went home and was sad.
- They think it’s very clean here, and we don’t have hardly any litter. (This is mentioned annually, and I enjoy telling telling them that volunteers ‘adopt’ a section of road to keep clean.) I’ve hit the brakes more than a few times and told a kid to pick up whatever he just tossed out the car window. I’m mean like that.
- They like our highway system. The roads are paved, and not too pothole-y (bullshit.) They like how well-marked the roads are, and that the tenth mile markers are a ‘wow’ invention so that drivers know where they are at all times.
- They like that buses and cabs stop for them in larger cities. I got the impression that cabs and buses don’t stop if they don’t feel like it.
- People here trust other people more. (Of course we live in Appalachia, so it may be different in other places.)
- A new reason this year-They like that things work here. One said it, and the others jumped in. Utilities are reliable. The government works, police and postal workers aren’t bribed. Appointments are set and kept.
- They like that we do so much online. In some countries, bills must be paid in person. Lines are long, and inefficient, so a lot of time is wasted.
- They like that people obey unwritten social rules. We don’t cut in line, we don’t touch other people, we don’t crowd people to get them to move. They like people saying ‘please’ ‘thanks’ and ‘excuse me.’ We smile or nod at strangers we pass on the street.
- People obey traffic rules-stop on red, stay in your own lane, and as long as they aren’t riding with me, they feel safer here.
- Stores have plenty of items in stock, cashiers are polite, no one tries to cheat them, stores have consistent, posted hours.
They don’t like our lack of public transportation. They loathe being dependant on others to give them rides. They hate wearing seatbelts. They are pissy that no one permits them to download music illegally. They miss being able to go to pubs and clubs to drink and dance. They abhor girls spitting and farting in public.
They don’t understand sales tax. In their countries, the price on the sticker is the walk out the door price. Of course, they have tax built in to the product, but that apparently doesn’t count. I’ve tried to explain each city, county, and state is free to set whatever tax they want. The rates and items taxed vary in each jurisdiction. I’d say state sales taxes are their biggest pet peeve.
I was so pissed off yesterday that I wanted to come home. I didn´t want to hurt Sparky’s family’s feelings, so Grandma was going to die. She’s better today, but still a little ill. I talked to Husband about coming home. He said I could change families, change countries, or come home. Husband gave me the standard FES speech last night, and Sparky repeated it today. ‘Do as I say, not as I do.’ came to mind, as did hypocrite.
We seem to have worked things out. I wanted to choke the little bastard last night. I told Sparky today that I have a much better time when he´s not around. It was mean, but true. I can’t understand Bolivian Spanish hardly at all, but I have no problems in Chile. I know Chilean Spanish is slurred and choppy, but I’m used to it. Sparky’s family all speak English, and Jon is living here, too. Everyone includes me in the conversations, and translates for me as needed. When Sparky is around, that doesn´t happen. Yesterday, he spoke solely in Spanish. I was excluded from the dinner conversation, choice of activity, choice of movie, etc. What really pushed me over the edge was when Jon said something in English, and Sparky told him to speak Spanish. I leaned over and growled ‘Maybe he’s speaking English so I can understand the conversation.’ Prior to that, Jon said in the car ‘Wry, don’t you wish we spoke a different language so we could have a conversation they don’t understand?’ Grrrr.
I NEEDED time alone so I could pull myself together. I asked if I could stay in a plaza and people watch while the rest of them watched Beowolf. (puke) Sparky’s mom didn´t want to leave me alone, but she did. I shopped and walked around a bit. I bought a journal, and wrote 14 pages of ‘journalling.’ My therapist told me to journal my feelings and thoughts, so it’s a verb. One Boliviano is fifteen cents, and my journal was 1.20B. I think that’s a whopping 18 cents. It kept me busy, and I felt better when I finished.
Sparky wanted to talk last night, and I didn’t. He made the mistake of saying ‘Sometimes you have to do what you don´t want.’ Wanna bet? I left the room, and went into the bedroom, and just stayed there the rest of the night playing solitaire. We talked this morning as we walked to a store, and I told him Grandma died. That’s when I got the FES speech about trying, and it’s only for a short time, and we won’t see each other for years, etc. I walked away, and started crying. I found a bench and just sat and thought. I love Sparky, but I didn’t like him at all yesterday or this morning. We talked, and I told him how I felt. He asked for one chance to change, and to try. (This was after he fucking ASKED me why was I angry.) He said he didn’t realize I felt excluded. coughbullshitcough. I just better double up on the happy pills.
Living Differences Between USA and Chile-In the Community
Time-Time is money, we say in the states. We expect people to be on time, not waste time, and respect other people’s time. Time in Chile is more relaxed. In the states, ‘a few minutes’ means less than 5 minutes. I think in Chile ‘a few minutes’ is anything less than an hour. In my state ‘after lunch’ means after you’re done eating, we’ll leave. In Chile ‘after lunch’ can be anytime before dinner. In the states, morning is until noon, afternoon is between 12:00 and 6:00, and evening is after 6:00pm. be on time for school, work, and dr. appointments. The being late thing is for friends and casual plans. Chileans are on time for appointments. It is a formal society. Be respectful.
School-You’ll all attend public school in the states. Most communities have one high school, and all local teens attend. In Chile, most of you will attend a private school. School is a privilege in Chile, and it is up to you to take advantage of the teacher’s lessons and attend daily. In Chile, you’ll have a uniform. In America, you wear casual clothing. You may not wear whatever you wish, there is a dress code. You might go to a school in chile and the school won’t be closed. like its open. kind of like a motel set up. and its very very cold in the morning, and bring a few extra layers wouldn’t be a bad idea at all. (In Chile, the teachers change classrooms, not the students. You’ll be with the same kids all day, all year.) also lunch in Chile during the school year is usually eaten after school when you get home.
Sports- The schools in the US sponsor sports. Sports are an important part of high school in the US Sports participation in Chile is done on your own time, usually with a club or group.
Evening activities -In the states, you’ll have a curfew of between 10:00pm-1:00am depending on if it’s a school night or not. Families are free to set the curfews for you. In Chile, teens stay out much later, you may not leave your house until 9 or 10 at night.
Greeting/good-byes -When you walk into a room in Chile, you greet each person individually with a hug or cheek kiss. You do the same when you leave. In America, a group ‘Hi’ and ‘Bye’ is sufficient. I don’t think we Americans are colder than Chileans, we are more reserved. It’s uncomfortable for us to touch people we don’t know well.
Transportation-American teens rely on cars for transportation. Many students have their own cars. You can’t drive, so you’ll need friends with cars, or ask your host parents for a ride. Don’t hesitate to ask for a ride, host parents are used to driving kids around, it’s not a problem. In Chile, students rely on public transportation. Most of our communities in this area do not have public transportation.
Grocery stores-In Chile, Jumbo is the best! Everyone makes fun of me about my love for Jumbo. I love Jumbo the way other people love Wal-Mart. The Jumbo chain carries just about everything you’d find in a grocery store here. They even carry items from small companies from Michigan, Ohio, and Pennsylvania. I couldn’t find Rice Krispies, but they had Cocoa Krispies. You will find Mountain Dew in a few grocery stores finally. The produce selection is huge, they have fruits and veggies we don’t have. In the US, the Chileans will just die at the price of fruits and vegetables. If your hostmom asks what you prefer, please tell her. We are used to these prices. Most of us don’t realize that you can buy a kilo of avocados for less than we pay for one avocado/palta.
Ice creamIce Cream in Chile is almost always gelato. (Jumbo carries Breyer’s.) Gelato is low-fat and tastes better than ice cream from Ben & Jerry. You’ll fall in love with it. In my area, gelato is 2 or 3 times as expensive as ice cream. It’s not easy to locate, and we don’t have nearly the selection of flavors as in Chile
Other Stores -When you purchase something in the states, you pick it up, take it to the clerk at the register, the clerk rings it up, you pay the clerk, they put it in a bag, and you leave. Or you tell the clerk what kind of ice cream cone you want, the clerk makes it, hands it to you, then you pay. In Chile, you go to the clerk at the register, pay that person, take the receipt to the ice cream counter, give it to the clerk there who will make your cone and hand it to you. Chilean stores seem to have more people working in them than in America stores.
Money-Many US students work, and have their own money to spend as they wish. You all will have program stipends and money from your parents this year. In Chile, going to school is a student’s job and high school students don’t have much spending money. This affects manners as well as other aspects of life. For example, in my area, if you are out with friends and are thirsty, you buy a bottle of Coke and drink it. You assume if anyone else wanted a drink, they’d also purchase a bottle. Many people in the states don’t like to drink after other people. In Chile, when you buy ‘una bebida’ you individually ask each person in the group if they’d like a drink before you drink. You share the entire bottle.
Dogs-It’s rare in my state to see stray dogs. There are ‘street dogs’ all over Chile. Talk to your host families about how to treat the pets-if they’re permitted in your room or bed, if you can feed them people food, etc.
Parking -In Chile, you often give a few coins to a man or boy to help guide you into a parking place and to watch your car while you are gone. We don’t have that in our country.
“American”-We live in The United States of America. We call ourselves ‘Americans’. We call the people who live in Estados Unidos Mexicanos, Mexicans. Chileans live in the Republic of Chile. People from the states don’t mean North America when we say ‘Americans.’ We know Chileans are Americans, the same as people living in Europe are Europeans. We are using the word ‘American’ in a different way. We mean no disrespect to the people of other American countries.
Filed under: Culture, Home, hosting | Tags: CHILE, Culture, Culture Shock, FES, Home, hosting
The differences between living in Chile and living in the USA-In the Home
Heating/Cooling-in the states, all homes have furnaces with whole house heating. Many homes have whole-house air conditioning or room air conditioners for the hot, humid summer weather. In central Chile, homes will have a space heater or 2 to burn off the chill. It rarely goes below 32/0 degrees. Houses are kept ‘room temperature’ year round in the In Chile, you keep warm, not the house. Wear warm socks and sweaters. a warm robe is a wonderful thing to have, especially south of Santiago. It’s bad manners to walk around in your bare feet in the house. In the states, some people prefer that everyone take shoes off before entering. Ask
Plumbing-In Chile, make sure the califont is on before you get in the shower. A califont is a tankless water heater. Cold water goes through it and is instantly heated. In the states, all sinks, showers, and bathtubs have hot water almost all the time from a hot water tank. Almost’ because if you’re the last person in the house to take a shower, the tank may be emptied and have to re-fill. Be considerate. Your host family will show you the furnace and water tank.
Toilet-In the states, the toilet paper always goes in the toilet. Never place it in the garbage can in the bathroom. Do not flush feminine products in the toilet. In Chile, almost all tp goes in the little garbage can next to the toilet. If you aren’t sure, ask.
Towels-Chileans, please do NOT bring bath towels with you. We don’t think it’s polite, we think it’s odd that you wasted packing space on towels. We don’t have our own towels here. We use any clean one. Ohioans, bring a few bath towels with you. Polite people bring their own towels. If your hostmom thinks you’re strange, give them as a gift ‘por la casa.’ If they’re new, and they match. Chileans don’t use washcloths, if you use them, please take several with you. Yep, they’ll make fun of your ‘little towels’.
Water-It’s perfectly fine to drink the water in both countries. Both countries also have lots of bottled water. In Chile, bottled water comes either ‘con gas’ or ‘sin gas’. In the states, it’s either ‘still’ or regular water or carbonated water. Seltzer water is a good substitute for con gas, as is Perrier. Ask about drinking the water too. Occasionally I’d go to a restaurant close to the coast and my host parents would tell me to get bottled water instead. If people drink water, which will look really strange to Chileans, the waiter may even say whether it’s potable or not.
Kitchen-Some USA kitchens have a garbage disposal in the sink. It’s a way of getting rid of food, ask your host family about how and when to use it. You’ll find a lot of frozen food in US refrigerators/freezers. Chileans go to the grocery store more often for fresh food and bread. The bread in Chile is very good, and Wonder bread will be an unhappy surprise. The food in Chile is fresher and much less processed. Chileans eat a lot more seafood than we do in the States.
Bedroom/Living room-In the states, the family watches TV together in the living room or family room. The living room is used for sitting and talking in Chile. Families will watch TV in the bedroom, it’s OK to lie on the bed with other family members. Chilean students generally take naps after lunch. In the states,ask your host parents if they mind if you take a nap. Many people here think naps are just laziness, and you aren’t getting enough sleep at night.
Doors-There are more doors in Chilean homes. Doors may be between the kitchen and the rest of the house. The dining room may have doors. A door may be in the hallway to the bedrooms (private part of the home vs. public part.) Most US homes have wide doorways and no doors except for bedrooms and bathrooms.
Dining room/Meals-Polite behavior in the US requires you to pass the servings of food around the table before you begin eating so everyone’s plate is full. In Chile, the food is placed in the center of the table, and you reach to serve yourself. In Chile, you keep your hands above the table in sight, in the US, you are supposed to keep your elbows off the table, and one hand in your lap. In the states, you place your napkin in your lap when you sit down. Napkins in Chile are smaller, so this isn’t done. In Chile, the salt is saltier, and the sugar is sweeter. In Chile, you sit at the table after meals, chatting with the others. You don’t leave the table as soon as you are finished eating. Don’t ask to be excused. In Chile it’s rude to pass the salt into someone’s hand. They’re very superstitious about it and it’s a table manner’s no-no.
Breakfastin the US is what you make for yourself-nothing, cold cereal, cold leftover pizza, orange juice, etc. The big American breakfast you see in movies is on the weekends, if at all. In Chile, the family eats together. Breakfast is tea, juice, drinkable yogurt, or Nescafe, bread with either jelly or palta (smushed avocado) and perhaps a slice of ham or cheese. Cereal is popular now, too.
Lunchis the biggest meal of the day in Chile. Typically, the entire family eats lunch together. In the US, you’ll eat lunch in school. On the weekends, usually you just find something in the refrigerator to eat for lunch. You’ll be on your own in the US for many meals. Ask your hostmom what you can and can’t eat in the ‘fridge.
Dinner/Once-In the US, many times families eat in shifts. People work different hours, and kids have after school activities. You’ll learn how to feed yourself this year. ‘Once’ in Chile is about 7:00pm. It’s a lighter meal than lunch, sometimes you’ll have also dinner later at 9:00, and sometimes not.
Coffeein Chile is typically Nescafe. If you want Nescafe in the US, please ask for ‘instant.’ Coffee in the US is usually brewed with the coffee grounds strained out. You host family will show you the coffe-maker. Most homes have a Mr. Coffee coffee maker. Tea is much more popular in Chile as a daily beverage. Most US homes won’t have a tea boiler. Just heat up water in the microwave.
No free refills in Chile! At most US restaurants, your Coke or coffee will be refilled at no charge as often as you wish. Restaurants in the US use a lot more ice in the drinks. In Chile, you sometimes don’t get ice, or you get one cube. (soda will taste different for you in the other country. Each country mixes their product to suit local tastes-sugar, flavoring syrup, carbonation
Basement/Attic-most homes in the Northeast and Midwest have basements and attics. Please ask your family before exploring these floors. Some basements and attics are used for storage, laundry, and utilities, while others are ‘finished’ and used as bedrooms or game rooms. Chilean homes don’t have basements.
Computers-the same in both countries.
Cell phones-get one in your hosting country. Don’t bother trying to change the chip. Both countries, ask your hostparents how the billing works-incoming/outgoing calls to cell phones and to landlines.
Answering machines-not popular in Chile.In the states, everyone has them. Do NOT hang up without leaving a message. I know you don’t like to leave a message. Just say “this is ____, call me.”
Housekeepers -In Chile, it’s common to have a lady help with the housework several times a week for several hours a day, and she may be called a ‘nanny.’ In the US, if someone has help, it’s usually a cleaning lady who comes for 3-4 hours every 2 weeks
Gardens/Back Yards-Homes in Chile are surrounded by a high fence, usually with an iron gate. In the US, the front and sides of the houses aren’t fenced. If a house has the back yard fenced in, it’s for swimming pool privacy, or to keep pets and small children in the yard.
Filed under: Culture, Exchange Students | Tags: Advice, Culture, Culture Shock, FES
When exchange students return to their home countries and cultures, they experience ‘Reverse Culture Shock.’ Most students and families aren’t expecting re-adjustment issues. It happens to almost everyone; especially students who have had a successful year adjusting to their new culture.
-
1st few days-happy, busy, great to be home, happy to see friends and family. Everything’s perfect.
-
2-3 weeks-miss USA, depressed, problems sleeping, thinking. Feel alone. “No one understands me” Find other former exchange students to talk with. KEEP BUSY.
-
1 month-withdraw from friends and family in Ohio. Won’t return emails or phone calls. You’ll reconnect, this is probably unconscious. This is really hard on friends and first time host parents. They think the student doesn’t care, the reality is the student cares too much. It hurts them to try to live in 2 different worlds. For self-preservation, they back off for a while. All my students have denied they’ll do it to me, then they all do it. This period lasts a month or so.
-
3 months-you’ll think you’re fine
-
6 months-you ARE fine.
The students have to assimilate their yearlong experience into their daily lives. What the student once thought was ‘weird’ or ‘foreign’ now seems ‘smart’ and ‘obvious.’
Filed under: Culture, Exchange Students, Home | Tags: Advice, Culture Shock, Inbounds, Outbounds, Sparky
11 days until the Boy returns to his ‘real’ home. He’ll always have a home here, but it’ll only be for short periods, unless we can get him here for college. (doubtful) Generally, one student returns for college each year. It’s the same with the US students; at least one or two annually go abroad for their education. We love hearing about University in Czech Republic, Argentina, Nicaragua, Japan, etc.
I tell the students, counselors, host parents, and real parents You’ve become ‘one of us’ if you had a successful year.You will have culture shock when you return home. It may be worse than culture shock when you arrived. No one expects reverse culture shock. They assume it will a smooth return to their ‘real’ lives. The students look like us, dress like us, even have their hair cut like us. They even think like us- and in English!
The students are never fully French, Thai, Indian, or Peruvian again. They are citizens of the world. They go home loving their new country, and appreciating their home country. People won’t understand why the students are sad to be home. They won’t understand they’ve left a piece of their hearts here. People don’t understand why they mourn the loss of people they’ve known only 9-12 months, the Americans not REAL friends and family. Frequently it’s worse because they may never see these people again.
Tips- Photos-Condense your favorite photos into a small album or on your Ipod of 50-60 pictures. Most people won’t look at more without being bored. Also good to keep the photos nearby for you to look at often.
Language problems-speak English without realizing it. Forget words in your native language. You will be translating from your language to English and back. It takes time, but language will come back.
Sleep problems-can’t sleep, dream in English for a while still.
Missed Culture-you were gone a whole year and things changed – dances, fashions, slang.
Parents, siblings, friends, pets reactions- Each year, some kids make plans with their friends to go away for a few days or week the day after their return. You owe it to your parents to stay with them your first week. Don’t be selfish. You’ve matured. Have patience with your parents. They think you’re the same kid who left last fall. You’re not the same, you’re still you, but it’s a different you. Your brothers and sisters have grown and matured this last year.Their roles in the family may have changed. You may lose some friends. Look for older kids. People will listen to your entire year for about 5 minutes before they lose interest, and want to tell you about their year.
Don’t make major decisions for the first few months. Give yourself time. No longer a citizen of your native country, you’re now a citizen of the world. You see the world differently. You’ll always want to travel. Your thoughts about your country might be different than when you left it. Pets or small children may be angry with you for abandoning them. People from your country might not believe you are one of them – You act like an American.
