Filed under: Depression, Exchange Students, Outbounds Outbounds | Tags: bored, Depression, homesick
Dear Wry,
Im an exchange student in my second month of a year long exchange in Sweden.
i googled homesickness and look at this, a the second link site about homesickness for exchange students, and you even write about the 3 month slump, where you settle back into what seems to be inevitable, repetitive an boring day to day life. you nailed it with – “the family sometimes annoys them, school is boring, and their lives are almost what it would be if they didn’t go on exchange. Except they’d be back home with their friends, families, and pets.”
I actively hate my host parents, but luckily, because im with rotary ill switch in 4 months to a reallylovely host family. but for now im stuck with these people i hate, a mother who i think is kind on some levels but is rude, tactless, and controlling, and a father who creeps me out, and it super annoying. Ive realized that highschool is highschool everywhere, and the people are still 16-18 year olds, my town is small, people here are super shy and its hard to make friends, esp with the language boundary. Even if were easy, is super difficult too find people who really interests me.
but going home is not an option, and i know i need to stick it out, and it will improve, it has for everyone else and i am a social creature so i know i will make friends, but for now im incredibly lonely and im startíng to feel homesick. and i know that ill need to keep active to keep it at bay, but my school offers no clubs or extracurricular activities.i guess i dont really have a straight question you could answer im just pretty desperate for something to make me feel less like how i feel right now.
Rose
Dear Rose,
if you ‘actively hate’ your host family, MOVE NOW. Tell your Rotary counselor. If you don’t get help from him/her, tell your Rotary counselor back in the states. Rotary has very strict rules in place. If your host father gives you the creeps, that’s a huge sign it’s time to get out. This is YOUR year, ½ of it shouldn’t be with people who make you miserable. This is unacceptable in a Rotary program.
Are other exchange students near you? Are any former exchange students around? Does your Rotary program have meetings, language lessons, or trips available to you? It’s normal for European schools not to have extracurriculars, but is there a nearby gym you can join? Are there any sports clubs? If your town is small, can you take public transportation to a different town to explore? What do students in your school do for fun? Find one kid a day, and try to talk to him or her. They’re probably intimidated by you.
I added you to my MSN Messenger list, if you use it, we can chat later. Keep in touch.
Filed under: Depression, Exchange Students, Inbounds Inbounds, Outbounds Outbounds | Tags: bored, Culture Shock, Depression, homesick
How is your student doing? If you are a FES abroad, how are you? Is life good?
Physical Self-Are the headaches going away? Are you getting enough sleep, but not too much? Has your stomach adjusted to the food? How is your weight-stable, or are you gaining/losing weight? Are you getting enough exercise?
Mental Self-Can you help yourself when you’re lonely, bored, sad, or homesick? Are your language and comprehension skills improving? If you take medication regularly, do you remember to take it? Do you have someone to talk to? Do you feel strong and confident?
Emotional Self-Are you crying for no reason? Do you get frustrated and feel like you just can’t think? Are you slowly distancing yourself from ‘home’ to your new home? Are you enjoying yourself?
If you need help, ask for it NOW. Don’t wait. It’s much easier to fix a small problem now than a big mess later. “Things will get better” isn’t always true. People want to help you. We all know this is one year-your year. You aren’t alone.
Filed under: Culture, Exchange Students, Inbounds Inbounds, Outbounds Outbounds | Tags: bored, Culture Shock, Depression, homesick
From last year: Is your student homesick, depressed, or bored? The students have been in their new countries, including the US, for 6-7 weeks now. They are over the initial culture shock, and they are able to communicate in their new languages. They should feel comfortable within their host families, and have new friends. Everything should be wonderful. This is supposed to be “The Best Year of Their Lives” But sometimes, it’s not.
It’s the second wave of culture shock. Their lives have become routine. What the students are doing now is what they’ll be doing for the next 8-11 months. The realization that they are living in a family with rules, the family sometimes annoys them, school is boring, and their lives are almost what it would be if they didn’t go on exchange. Except they’d be back home with their friends, families, and pets.
Solution? Keep them busy! The kids should have all sorts of activities going on. They should be playing some type of sports, or getting exercise of some type daily. The students should join clubs-Drama, Language, 4-H, Scouts, Chess, Swim team, etc. Most of the kids should not come home from school and stay all night. (Sparky, P, and Cle were all content to stay home often, but they were happy. They weren’t homesick or bored. Husband and I also didn’t expect them to be our little friends and stay to keep us company. Some host families want to keep the students all to themselves. That’s not healthy for anyone.) They are exchange students to learn the culture of their country. Let them visit with another exchange student, or invite one overnight. The student should see his counselor regularly. The exchange program should have activities at least once a month for the kids. The host family should plan activities with the student; they don’t have to be expensive-go for a hike, go fishing, or yard sale shopping. Take the student to a football or volleyball game, and permit (shove) them to sit with friends and go out with the others after the game. Take the student to help volunteer-She can coach younger kids, he can visit senior citizens. Anything to take their minds off of themselves.
From the advice column Annie’s Mailbox:
Dear Annie, I was so grateful to see that you mentioned angry moods and increased energy as episodes of mania in bipolar disorder.
I was diagnosed with depression in college and, despite various medications throughout the years, continued to struggle with extreme anger and an inability to sit still. I self-medicated with alcohol. I never considered my moods abnormal, so I never elaborated upon them in therapy. A suicide attempt prompted a trip to a new psychiatrist. I accidentally arrived an hour early, and by the time I saw the doctor, I literally could not sit still.
When the doctor diagnosed me as bipolar, I was shocked. I had depressive episodes, but never happy ones. It is really important to understand that the opposite of the “low” in bipolar is not necessarily “happy.” It could be excessive energy or anger. The diagnosis saved my life, my marriage and my friendships. I finally realized other people were not experiencing the same mood swings. I only wish I could get back the 20 years of not knowing. —Looking Forward in North Carolina
Dear N.C.: We’re sorry it took so long for you to get a proper diagnosis, but please know your letter will surely help others. Thank you.
Wry here. Well, that’s me. I generally describe myself as depressed, not bipolar. I wouldn’t mind being bipolar if I had the super-happy or really energetic moments. I think it would balance the lows. Instead, I get really pissy (my psychiatrist told me I should see a urologist for that.) or have racing, obsessive thoughts. There are times when I get unreasonably angry, and can’t think straight. I have to be alone for a while to calm myself.
I’ve been on 75mg of Effexor for 3 months now. I think that’s a good trial to see how it works. I saw my psychiatrist this week, and told him I didn’t think it was all that great. He said many people take 300mg daily. I’m going to try 150mg for a while. I usually improve with Springtime. He also mentioned the strong drugsmeds like Lithium. Uh, no thanks. They all have huge side effects, and I don’t think I need to take something that strong. I’ll go back to the damn Wellbutrin first!
Wry Exchange was originally going to be exclusively about exchange students. The blog has evolved since I started it last June. I’ve written about my depression fairly regularly, and now I’m writing once a week about women’s topics from the blog group I joined.
I try to post 5 or 6 times a week, but I can’t think of that many exchange stories to write. I like writing about depression so maybe other people will see they aren’t alone. Sometimes I write about my husband, dogs, and travel.
What do you think? Should I keep this solely about exchange students? Should I post less?
I changed the comment settings so you can leave an anonymous comment. I did keep the ‘hold for moderation’ setting. I don’t want some little shit writing ‘Wry’s real name is Lizzie Borden.’ Yeah, I’m paranoid.
The 3mg Lunesta pills really aren’t working. According to RXlist.com, people have taken dosages as high as 36mg and recovered from the overdose. People have taken as much as 100mg in testing without adverse effects. I’ll see my psychiatrist next week, and ask about upping the dosage. Lunesta is supposed to kick in quickly. It’s always taken at least a few hours for me, but now I’ve backed it up to 5:00pm, and hopefully I fall asleep by 2:00am. That’s unacceptable. I don’t want to take Lunesta, and drive. Lunesta is the only sleeping pill I’ve ever tried. I liked it because while it didn’t help me to fall asleep, it did help with racing thoughts, and more important, if I woke up in the middle of the night, I could just roll over and fall back asleep. Without it, I can’t go back to sleep for several hours.
I think I gave Effexor an honest try. It’s been three months. I don’t like it that much. I take 75mg, and normal dosage can be up to 225mg. I want to know if it’s possible that Effexor and Lunesta are ‘fighting’ with each other. I feel lethargic, but not fuzzy-thinking. Wellbutrin was better until I melted down with it in January. Effexor doesn’t seem effective, but it is because I’m a lot better than I was in January. Clear as mud, huh?
I’m not taking Ritalin or Adderall. I haven’t taken them since the beginning of the year. They make my chest pound and face flush, and with the severe depressive episode, they weren’t helpful. My therapist suggested I stop for at least a while.
See my other drug post.
”Why I Love Myself” is this week’s topic on the blog tour. I’ve been obsessing and avoiding this post for several days. I have Depression. I don’t love myself. I think I’m worthless, and wouldn’t mind dropping dead tomorrow. I can remember first wanting life to be over when I was in middle school.
I also have Dissociative Disorder, which for me means I compartmentalize things. The normal, rational part of my brain realizes I’m ridiculous. I’ll be fine as long as the healthy part stays stronger than the sick side. Regular readers know January was bad for me, hell, I even wrote a suicide note one night. I got to my psychiatrist quickly, to change and up my happy pills.
I’m married to the best man in the world, I have made a difference in hundreds of students’ lives over the years, I love our exchange sons and they love me, I have understanding, wonderful friends, 2 great dogs, no major bills, and travel often. I have it good. I am appreciative. And I hope next week’s blog tour assignment is all about pink fluffy bunnies and rainbows.
ETA: I’m not pathetic. Depression is part of me, but I hope I’m not whiny about it. I’m not miserable. I laugh often, and enjoy making others laugh. I don’t walk around with a black cloud over my head.
Other stops on the women writers blog tour include AllyKat’s Alcove, The Absent Minded Housewife, And then there were three, Chrisnada’s Journal, Fat Angie, Heartstart’s Journal, Hijinks’s Shenanigans, Housewife 2000, How can I live life in the fast lane if all I’ve got is a bicycle?, la_eme, life in the land of maeve, Ramblings, Ramblings of a Grad Student, Seven angels, three kids, one family, Space Age Housewife, Such is Life, Tales of an Ordinary Life, VeryContrary, What’s my life? , and me- Wry Exchange.
Filed under: Depression, Exchange Students, Home | Tags: Depression, Dogs, FES, Home, Husband, P
This is my second attempt at this post. The first one disappeared just as I finished it. Grr.
*I took BadLab and GoodDobie for a walk yesterday in the beautiful sunshine. The snow and ice melted off enough so I could safely wranglewalk the beasts. They were so excited to go on the first walk of the year, they were bouncing around like puppies. (BadLab is five, and the Doberman is probably 10. They each weigh about 90lbs.) The prissy one had to stay on dry pavement at all times, and the rambunctious one splashed in puddles, and climbed snowbanks. Then they came home and slept and freakin’ snored for the rest of the day and night.
*Husband is working on the tank as weather permits. We’ve bought some of the parts from eBay, including the radiator. The radiator was new in box, and less than half the price than anywhere else. Shipping was only ten dollars, too! She’s almost ready to go back on the road.
*Sparky is finishing his first month at college. He’s studying Electronic Engineering. His school days are about 10 hours long, plus commute.
*P worked at a call center during his Summer Vacation. He hated it, but made very good money. P had to speak to 58 people daily. The results of the call didn’t matter as long as he talked to 58 warm bodies. He worked 55 hours a week, but now is in Buenos Aires on vacation with four of his exchange student friends for a mini-reunion. It’s P, 2 Argentines, a German, and one from the states. We’re in touch with all of them, and love P and the Gringo dearly.
*Want grossed out? Stomach flu is a viral infection that affects the stomach and small intestine. It is also called viral gastroenteritis. Many different viruses can cause gastroenteritis, including rotaviruses, adenoviruses, and the Norwalk virus. Gastroenteritis is caused by swallowing one of these viruses. And then we have this Researchers at the University of Arizona who tested all kinds of public surfaces. They found that shopping carts were loaded with more saliva, bacteria and even fecal matter than escalators, public telephones, and even public bathrooms. I went shopping with a cart last week, stopped at a SteaknShake drive-thru, ate the fries, and licked the salt off. Guess who got stomach flu? I ALWAYS use wet wipes too, but I couldn’t find them, and the fries were calling me. I squicked myself out on that one.
*I’ve been on Effexor for about a month now. I feel better; more even-keeled. See Boo to Wellbutrin and my other drug post. I can think more clearly and calmly now. I never realize how bad I get until it’s over.
*Husband and I searched everywhere for a digital photo frame for my mother’s Christmas gift. We found one, and thought she’d love it. It’s still in the box. We bought one that was easy to use, didn’t need a computer, etc. Why won’t she use it? ‘”They” can steal your information.’ Um, WTF? I haven’t talked with her about this, Husband couldn’t get her to understand it’s not hooked up to anything, it’s a picture frame, and what info could anyone get? Well, their computer arrived last week, and Husband set it up. I’m supposed to give them internet lessons. Won’t that be fun? Mom’s pissed at Husband because he bought her XP instead of Vista. Not that she knows what either of them are, or what they do. I’ll be doubling up on the happy pills.
* Husband and I have always liked and followed Patrick Swayze’s career. We wish him well.
I read back through my Bolivia posts today. I’m giving a speech tomorrow about my trip. The entire time with Sparky was ↑↓↑↓. Several others had their feelings hurt by him. The biggest problem everyone had is that he doesn’t talk. He hates to tell people what, when, who, why, where, etc. He assumes everyone knows somehow, or it’s not anyone’s business. He guards information like it’s classified. Sparky’s first day of college is tomorrow. I had to play 20 Questions just to get the name of the college and his major out of him. I don’t care to play games with him anymore.
Husband and I went to a dinner dance last night. I was a good girl, and told him my therapist says I should socialize. I didn’t want to tell him because I know he’d drag my ass out of the house, but I did because I know it’s good for me. I like staying home alone way a little too much. We had a good time, and I mingled a bit on my own. I stayed with Husband a lot, and with dear friends most of the rest of the time. I love our friends, and I have a good time with them, it’s just really hard for me to make plans or anticipate meeting up with them. I get myself all worked up. I ALWAYS want to cancel before we leave the house. He’s on to me now.
The dinner was a fundraiser, and had a silent auction. I bid on several gift baskets. I was a smartass and bid on a ‘Curves’ gift basket at the silent auction. Husband has tried to get me to join Curves for years. I won the damn thing. I bid first because I thought it was a cute metal box, nope, it was a shiny cardboard shoe box. The only illumination on the gift baskets came from white fairy lights. I have Curves socks, visor, candy, book, magazine, and a ONE MONTH MEMBERSHIP. Crud. I have no excuse not to go anymore. I’ll have to socialize with people there, too. Bitch, bitch, bitch. That’s me.
Wellbutrin and I are not getting along. I’ve taken Wellbutrin XL in the Winter for the last several years without side-effects. I looked up the common side-effects, and they don’t include, um, talking to yourself. Common side effects of Wellbutrin XL- Abdominal pain, agitation, anxiety, constipation, diarrhea, dizziness, dry mouth, heart palpitations, increased urination, insomnia, muscle soreness, nausea, rash, ringing in the ears, sore throat, sweating. Nope, no talking to yourself. Anxiety, heart palpitations, yes, I had those. ( I thought I was just obsessing as I do occasionally.) Actually, I was going to the toilet more often, but didn’t think it was due to the Wellbutrin until I started typing this. (There’s so much I don’t notice in life.) But I was arguing with myself. It’s an odd feeling. I’d think of something, and the other half of my brain would argue with the first half. Other times, both parts agreed and just echoed each other. Like that’s not annoying. I finally called my psychiatrist today, and he told me to stop taking it. Well, duh. I did that a few days ago. I only started it up 2 weeks ago. I’m supposed to pick up samples of something else on Monday, and give that a try. Today was the first time I’ve called him between my appointments. I’ve never had a reaction to my wacko pills like this.
Since I knew I wanted to write about it, I mentioned my problem to Husband today. He takes it all in stride.
