Wry Exchange

Grandma Died Yesterday, She´s Better Today
11-26-07, 7:58 pm
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I was so pissed off yesterday that I wanted to come home.  I didn´t want to hurt Sparky’s family’s feelings, so Grandma was going to die.  She’s better today, but still a little ill.  I talked to Husband about coming home.  He said I could change families, change countries, or come home.  Husband gave me the standard FES speech last night, and Sparky repeated it today.  ‘Do as I say, not as I do.’ came to mind, as did hypocrite. 

We seem to have worked things out.   I wanted to choke the little bastard last night.  I told Sparky today that I have a much better time when he´s not around.  It was mean, but true.  I can’t understand Bolivian Spanish hardly at all, but I have no problems in Chile.  I know Chilean Spanish is slurred and choppy, but I’m used to it.  Sparky’s family all speak English, and Jon is living here, too.  Everyone includes me in the conversations, and translates for me as needed.  When Sparky is around, that doesn´t happen.  Yesterday, he spoke solely in Spanish.  I was excluded from the dinner conversation, choice of activity, choice of movie, etc.   What really pushed me over the edge was when Jon said something in English, and Sparky told him to speak Spanish.  I leaned over and growled ‘Maybe he’s speaking English so I can understand the conversation.’   Prior to that, Jon said in the car ‘Wry, don’t you wish we spoke a different language so we could have a conversation they don’t understand?’  Grrrr.

I NEEDED time alone so I could pull myself together.  I asked if I could stay in a plaza and people watch while the rest of them watched Beowolf. (puke)  Sparky’s mom didn´t want to leave me alone, but she did.  I shopped and walked around a bit.  I bought a journal, and wrote 14 pages of ‘journalling.’  My therapist told me to journal my feelings and thoughts, so it’s a verb.   One Boliviano is fifteen cents, and my journal was 1.20B.  I think that’s a whopping 18 cents.   It kept me busy, and I felt better when I finished.

Sparky wanted to talk last night, and I didn’t.  He made the mistake of saying ‘Sometimes you have to do what you don´t want.’  Wanna bet?  I left the room, and went into the bedroom, and just stayed there the rest of the night playing solitaire.  We talked this morning as we walked to a store, and I told him Grandma died.  That’s when I got the FES speech about trying, and it’s only for a short time, and we won’t see each other for years, etc.  I walked away, and started crying.  I found a bench and just sat and thought.   I love Sparky, but I didn’t like him at all yesterday or this morning.  We talked, and I told him how I felt.  He asked for one chance to change, and to try.  (This was after he fucking ASKED me why was I angry.)  He said he didn’t realize I felt excluded. coughbullshitcough.  I just better double up on the happy pills.


2 Comments so far
Leave a comment

very interesting, but I don’t agree with you

Comment by Idetrorce

You assume I care about your opinion.

Comment by Wry

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