Wry Exchange

*I Don’t Like Children
12-22-07, 12:34 am
Filed under: Home | Tags: , , ,

 I don’t like babies, toddlers, kids, or babysitting.  There I said it.  I never wanted children, and don’t regret not having them.   I didn’t play with dolls, and didn’t even like kids when I was a kid.  I was the quiet girl reading in a nook, or riding my bike alone all over town.  

Ironically, I’ve chosen to devote a lot of my life working with exchange students.  I love exchange students, and volunteering to help them.  Most normal people would see these two views as impossible to reconcile.  Maybe it’s because I’m disassociative, but I can justify my position in my own mind at least.  I’ll help any exchange student who asks, or looks like he needs assistance.   
The ones I truly like personally are the oddball and/or devilish ones.  These are the kids we spend time with or invite to stay with us. I enjoy FES’s who are bright, honest with me, quirky, sarcastic, have absolutely no common sense, creative, sweet, and get into good natured trouble.  They’re also 16-17 when we first meet, so to me, they’re young adults.  If I don’t like them too much, I don’t have to spend money or extra time with them.  I’m an extra person in their lives.  They’re brave for being young and venturing so far from their own culture, and I respect that.  I want to help them along the way.  

*Husband likes them grilled with roasted asparagus, and a good bottle of wine.  He says they’re very tender.  🙂  We discussed having children before we married, and we reopened the discussion once a year for many years.   Whenever we were asked about not having children, we’d just ask people to imagine a child that is half like Husband, and half like my brother.  That shut up every.  single. person. every. time.  Husband and I both have interesting families.

Edited to add:  OK, I admit there have been a few little kids through the years I’ve really liked.  Our favorite young girl was described as ‘somewhat surly’ by her teacher during her elementary years.  My kind of kid.


3 Comments so far
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Good for you. Kids are A LOT of work – and patience and money and… you get the picture. There’s nothing like it – for *me*. I love my child and being a parent, but I still only have one for a reason (reasons!). IMO, most people don’t evaluate if they want them or if they would want to be a parent – or even if they want more than one. They just have kids because that’s what you do. That’s not fair to children – or to the parents who may have been much better off w/out said kids. I think you probably have been able to give the world a special gift that you knew was for you to do, in large part because you evaluated yourself and your life and were honest and DIDN’T have kids just “because.” Good for you again!

Comment by colorblindcupid

Thanks for the kind words. I thought perhaps I’d be kicked off your blogroll. I wrote this last night, then read your blog about family sizes, and how much you all enjoy your children.
So many times people told us we’d change our minds if we had our own baby. Yeah, probably, but what if we didn’t? I honestly never desired a baby, and I think to have a child, s/he should be desired more than life itself. I don’t have it in me. I like helping other people’s children.

Comment by Wry

I like when people who know they don’t want children actually make a decision NOT to have them. I have a friend who actually had her tubes tied in her early 30s. Her dogs are her “kids.” It makes me so sad to see people who have kids they don’t want – or are ambivalent about at best. That’s horrible for the kids.

There’s this whole chapter in Freakonomics about the abortion debate, and they profile Cuba where abortion is free and just cite statistics on crime rate, drug addiction, and some other baddie type stuff and how in places where abortion is easy access, there’s quite a lower incidence – correlating it all to there being less unwanted children. They don’t condone abortion and don’t get into that debate, just profile some interesting statistics regarding unwanted children.

I love being a mom. But also know what’s involved in it, I also know that it really isn’t for everyone, and it’s important for women to not feel belittled for not making that choice to have kids. It’s not an obligation just because you have uterus.

Beside, even if I disagreed with you, I still wouldn’t kick you off the roll. 😉

Comment by colorblindcupid

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