Wry Exchange

Depression, Lower Doses, & the Economy
10-12-08, 3:35 pm
Filed under: Depression, Home | Tags:
I’m not doing as well as I had been in the Summer.  I always do better with my depression in Summertime.  My Psychiatrist and I gradually lowered my Effexor from 150mg to 75mg.  Zoloft has stayed the same, 100mg.  Effexor daily dosages go from 75-375mg.  Well, somewhere the plan went wrong. 
In the last 2 weeks, I’ve gradually noticed I have problems.  That probably means it’s been about a month. 
I haven’t been eating breakfast, and just grab a piece of fruit or cheese for lunch.  I take my meds with food in the morning.  So some days I forget to take them, or don’t take them until evening.  You can’t do that with Effexor, it gives me noticable physical differences, so imagine what it’s doing to my head.    I’ve also been skipping doses trying to make the prescriptions last longer, because they’re expensive.  (Stupid, because $30.00 isn’t that expensive, but it shows my rationalizations.)
I admitted to myself yesterday something has to change.  I’ve been trying to hide it from Husband.  Unsuccessfully, I imagine.   He chided me (gently) about something today.  It was the final shove I needed.
 I didn’t brush my teeth until Husband came home from work yesterday.  (It’s like I get a shower, but brushing my teeth is just too much.)  Earlier in the week, I shaved one underarm because it was too hard to shave both the same day.  I’ve washed the same load of clothes every day for the last week.  I start the washing machine, but it’s too much to go down and switch the clothes to the dryer.  I’ve been sleeping most of the day.  It’s really hard to stay awake.  I’ve been working on Halloween decorating for over a week.  I love kids telling us we have the best decorations in the neighborhood.  I never did go back to Curves after signing up almost 3 weeks ago.  The dishes have been piling up. 
Now I’ve admitted to myself I haven’t been taking care of myself.  I did all the dishes.  I washed BadLab.  I finally got the clothes in the dryer.  I’m calling the Psych in the morning about going back to my previous dosage.  I’ll quit skipping my meds.  It’s going to take a few weeks to get back up there, but I’m going to start trying now.
I mean really, shaving one armpit?
EDIT: It started after our week at brainwashing school.  My self esteem plummeted, and that’s when I started playing with my meds.

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