Wry Exchange

Joe the Predator
11-10-08, 1:09 am
Filed under: hosting | Tags: ,

   I didn’t include “Joe the Predator” last week because we don’t have problems with host fathers very often.   The ones I’m aware of seem to fall into two categories.   “My wife doesn’t understand me.” or “I’m still a 20 year old stud. in my mind.” 

Several years ago, Joe liked to walked around with a towel wrapped around his waist with nothing underneath.  The family had a backyard pool, and Joe liked swimming nekkid.   Especially when his exchange daughter was home, and more so when she had friends over.  She mentioned it to me after a few months, she thought maybe it was normal US behavior.   Aw, hell no.  The worst part?  She was the third girl the family hosted.    I can think of a few Feslandia Joes wearing Speedos while lounging in a bedroom talking to their host daughters.  The girls were creeped out by the host fathers visible excitement in talking with them.

We had a few Joes tell host daughters way too much about the intimate details of their marriages.  One guy scared his host daughter when he told her it’s like “You’re my wife now.”

on to a host father.  The girls feel really betrayed when host fathers hit on them.  They look at those men as their fathers, not as a partner.  It ruins their relationship with their host moms as well.


Jill the Predator
11-01-08, 9:48 pm
Filed under: Exchange Program, hosting | Tags:

  Jill is more dangerous than Jack.  No one suspects moms of being predators.   Do you think of Stiffler’s mom in American Pie a predator?  Most people think the kid got lucky.   We have more problems with moms in youth exchange than with dads and siblings.  

Jill starts off as the perfect mom.  She’s warm, loving, and a great listener.  She’s very empathetic, and hugs often.   Sometimes she’ll mention how FES understands her more than her husband.  She’ll hug a little more often, and a little longer.  She’ll dote on FES by cooking his favorite meals, buying him gifts, and lavishing attention on him.   She and FES may have private jokes no one else in the family understands.  She’s happy because FES pays attention to her.

As Jill hugs and kisses FES good-night, maybe she ‘accidently’ kisses his mouth instead of cheek.  She’ll hug with her full body, and grind her hips a bit.  She’ll forget he’s home when she darts out of the bathroom with just a towel or less.  She starts slowly, and escalates.  The boy tells himself he’s imagining things, or that this is the way things are done in Feslandia.    Until he stops her, she’ll keep it up.

Many times, she’ll let him drive or drink.  This accomplishes two things-he’s more like an adult to her, and she has a secret to use to keep him quiet.   Many times, boys don’t say anything when hostmoms come on to them.  They think they’re quite lucky.   We had a boy recently who freaked out.   We pulled him from the home immediately.  (We also made a police report.)  She was obsessed with the boy.  He tried to ignore her behavior, but the morning he woke up to her kissing him while lying on his chest really opened his eyes.    Again, just like Jack, Jills are respected professionals in their communities.

Jack the Predator
11-01-08, 9:18 pm
Filed under: Exchange Program, hosting | Tags:

 Just because a volunteer has passed a background check doesn’t mean s/he is safe around students.  Many experienced predators are smart, and well-respected in their communities.  Let’s look at Jack.  

Jack  is a middle-aged man who lives in the house he grew up in with his father and brother.  His mother died long ago, and nothing much has changed since including Jack’s room.  It still has all the awards and news clippings on the wall from high school.   Jack seems to be stuck in time-even his clothes are from years ago.  

He enjoys volunteering with high school students, but only boys.   Jack  doesn’t seem to have any adult friends.  He spends his money and time taking his ‘sons’ out for day or weekend trips.   He always pays for everything.  He’s even taken boys on longer trips.   The students feel guilty saying ‘no’ to him because he spends so much money on them.

 Jack will drive 90 minutes to pick up a kid, and another hour to pick up another one, then drive 2 hours to whatever attraction/event.  Then he’ll drive them home.  Adults think he’s a saint, just socially awkward.  People agree he’s ‘odd’ and ‘weird’, but they think he’s harmless.  No one would ever suspect sweet Jack of being a predator.  He’s always so helpful!

He seems asexual, except when he hugs the boys ‘bye.  Then he has a creepy smile with his eyes closed. 

Jack goes for the boys that look like easy prey -the poor ones, ones with uncaring families, ones with low self esteem, or compliant boys.   As he progresses in the program, he’s become bolder.  Other volunteers see the position, and not the person.   Jack could be in any youth program-scouts, sports, church group, or exchange.   As we will see with Jill the Predator, these people start with small gestures, then escalate.   By the time a student realizes something is wrong, it may be too late.