We’ve dropped out of CSIET. (Council on Standards for International Educational Travel) CSIET is a nonprofit program that oversees exchange student programs. My program won’t be listed as an approved program next year. To me, CSIET is a seal of approval that we meet the standards of a well-run program. I’m not happy about it.
In this state, FES programs must be a member of CSIET for FESs to play varsity sports. The kids almost all play varsity sports in the Fall, it’s a fantastic way for them to make friends. Sports help our students get exercise, find friends, and give them something to do in the beginning.
Even better, we didn’t discuss the decision. A few of the older men made the decision, then told the rest of us at a meeting. It’s too late to do anything about it. They explained it would cost too much money and time in order to comply. I realize it’s a lot of work to compile all the information CSIET requests, but we’ve always thought it was very important for our students. No wonder we argue all the time, we don’t work together as a committee focused on the kids.
This decision will impact our future exchanges. We’ll lose some exchanges because the kids can’t play varsity sports. The argument that the kids can play JV or just practice isn’t strong.
Please see my previous CSIET post.
Filed under: Exchange Students, Inbounds Inbounds, Outbounds Outbounds | Tags: FES, Inbounds, Outbounds
My program has about 40 students this year; half in the states, and half scattered across the world. (We are a true exchange program. FES goes out, FES comes in.) The students have been in their new countries approximately seven months now. Students choose when they want to return home. Anytime from May 1st to 364 days from when they entered their host country.
I want to give a general update without losing my anonymity so I won’t tell you if the FES’s are inbound or outbound students. The problems are typically the same all over the world. They’re kids, and this is an incredibly difficult stressful year.
Two students quit because of homesickness. One returned home early because of family illness, and another because of family issues. We have a few on probation because of alcohol or school problems. Three of them had serious Visa issues. Many had severe homesickness, it showed as depression and loneliness. We have the annual psycho hostmoms and controlling hostdads. We had a sexual harassment incident. Some of the kids were asked to move out of their hostfamilies houses. Some students have changed cities and schools. Many have travelled far from their hostfamily’s home on vacation. Students have won awards and been voted school royalty. Several wisdom teeth have painfully erupted. Of course, there aren’t any new tattoos or piercings.
I would say almost all of them are NOT experiencing the year as they imagined it. We try to tell them, former students try to share, but nothing sinks in. These kids are smart, they know everyfuckingthing. It’s nice to see them changing, becoming humble, and open to new experiences. They are resilient and maturing. At this point, many of them are starting to identify with their new countries, and would rather stay than return home.
No one has been arrested, maimed, pregnant, or kicked out of a country. Whoohoo!
Filed under: Culture, Exchange Students | Tags: FES, game, icebreaker, Inbounds, Outbounds, Silly
When I don’t have an idea for a post, I look through my referrals from search engines. Someone googled ‘non English icebreaker’ today. I have a fun one.
Build an Alien
- I like to make the groups small, about 5 or 6 students. I go around and write a number on their hand as they come in or are sitting around. That way they’ll be with students they don’t know. You may end up with 10+ groups, but if there are too many kids in one group, most will sit like lumps as the 3 overachievers do everything.
- Their goal is to build an alien, and tell it’s story. Where does it come from? What does it want? Why is it here? What does it eat?
- Give them 10 minutes to talk and decide on a plan, then 15-20 minutes to build it.
- Give each group Popsicle sticks, pipe cleaners, googly eyes, feathers, modelling clay, straws, etc.
- Have the group explain to the other groups their alien. I usually have prizes for the best alien, and group them all together for colorful photos.
We usually do this at our first meeting with the new outbound students after interviews to get them integrated into the group with the inbounds. We observe who participates, who tries to take over the group, who is embarassed to be playing with feathers, etc. It hopefully gives them something to think about as an alien far from home. If you give people clay, pipe cleaners, and other toys to play with, they’ll usually have fun.
Husband and I used to volunteer as judges for Destination Imagination and Odyssey of the Mind. The kids used to do different types of games that could be used as icebreakers. Look up volunteer sites for ideas.
Filed under: Culture, Exchange Students, hosting | Tags: Advice, FES, Hygiene, Inbounds
~Sigh~ I gave the hygiene speech last weekend to one of our students.
I spoke to the man who should’ve given FES the speech back in August at Orientation, and at the September meeting. (Didn’t want to overstep.) The guy said he held up deodorant, and told the kids ‘You must used this daily.’ Um, yeah, that worked well. No one thinks he or she smells. Everyone thinks it’s someone else.
I really like this kid, and pulled FES aside to quickly and quietly say that the deodorant isn’t working, perhaps you need something stronger. I apologized for bringing it up, but said “I’ve been able to smell you each time I’ve seen you. Even when I’m not walking too close, I can smell you.’ The poor FES probably wanted to hide, but someone had to tell the student.
If you have to give the speech, do it quietly and privately. Keep it brief, because the student is going to want to escape before s/he dies of embarrassment. Be blunt, this isn’t a chat you want to repeat. You have to tell the student, otherwise the other students won’t want to be friends, or will tease, and your house will start to smell.
See also: Stinky Exchange Students, Eau d’Exchange Student
Filed under: Culture, Exchange Students | Tags: changes, FES, Husband, Inbounds, Thanks
“Thank you for this wonderful year that you have given to us. I look back and I’m just not the same girl who when to the US scared and crying. during this year I change a lot. I was a the little daddy girl and now I’m a young lady thanks for every thing i will go back to visit and see you.”
This sweet girl did grow a lot last year. She has so much more self-confidence. A big part of the fun for Husband and me is to watch the kids grow, mature, and change throughout the year. Some of their arcs are amazing to see.
Filed under: Exchange Students, hosting | Tags: Advice, FES, hosting, Inbounds, Jealousy, Outbounds, rules
A big problem that no one warns families about is jealousy. We talk about it with our students before they go out, but no one says anything to most of the incoming students. The inbounds are bewildered when someone in the host family is jealous of them. The kids want to fit into a family, they need a place where they are accepted and just another kid, not ‘The Exchange Student.’
Who gets jealous and why:
Hostdad-No, not really. Hostdads are typically easygoing. They are happy to have a new son or daughter. If Hostdad had only girls, it’s cool for him to have another guy around. Hostdads like having someone new to tease. I really can’t think of any jealous hostfathers. Edited: Husband reminded me of a few hostfathers who didn’t like to share their hostdaughters with people outside the family. They wanted the girls to stay home ALL THE TIME with them and hostmom.)
Hostmom-Sometimes-I can think of at least 2 girls who were kicked out of their host family’s house because the hostmoms were so jealous they told hostdad ‘It’s her or me. Get her out NOW.’ The girls were both nice girls, they were not flirting with hostdad. They were both moved, and had excellent years. We’ve had hostmoms upset with hostdads because they spent ‘too much boy time’ with the kid.
Host sibling-Yes. Not all host brothers and sisters have been consulted before a new person moves into the house, and maybe even his/her room.
- Be aware of the princess who doesn’t like to share-especially her Senior year when everything is about her.
- Be afraid of the 6 year old snot who kicks the exchange student because she dared to change the tv channel while the brat was playing in another room.
- Hide from the 12 year old who has to share his Playstation or computer time.
- It’s not pretty when the baby of the family finally gets someone to push around. Last year, we had a 17 year old boy with several older sisters who enjoyed bullying his hostbrother.
- Watch out for all the siblings to be angry because the inbound does all his chores, and makes them look lazy. (or keeps his room clean, has good table manners, etc)
Talk about jealousy and other issues as they arise. It’s so much easier dealing with small problems immediately, rather than waiting until someone explodes.
Edited to Add: Treat FES like your own son or daughter. Don’t treat FES as a guest in your home. It causes friction when FES doesn’t have to scrub the toilet, when her hostsibling does. Rotate chores, so there are no favorites or whining about ‘FES always gets the easy ones.’ Don’t have different curfews for kids the same age. The house rules should be fair to all children.
ELI RECEIVED HIS US VISA TODAY!
He’ll arrive next week. It’s over, and he even got an apology for the delay and mistakes.
EDIT: He’ll be here Saturday, September 23rd.
Filed under: Culture, Exchange Students | Tags: Culture, FES, Food, Home, Inbounds, Silly
FES may not puke, but he will at least roll his eyes. Feed FES any of the following: Wonder bread, unsweetened iced tea, Easy Cheese, root beer, Dr. Pepper, ginger ale, pickles, pumpkin pie, zucchini, sauerkraut, cole slaw, pretzels, peanut butter, marshmallow peeps, Boca burgers, sour cream, cranberry anything, stuffing, candied yams, sweet potatoes, or Kraft singles. (Did you notice most of Thanksgiving dinner is on the list?) Corn on the cob may be offensive to some students, as it may be considered animal feed, not for human consumption.
Then check the list again in May. See how many have become favorites.
It was great a few years ago when Heinz made blue, green, and purple ketchups. Other companies sold colored margarine and french fries. That was fun! We took the colored ketchups to all FES meetings and parties. The kids were appalled at ‘You Americans.’
How to make FES ecstatic: One word. BACON. (Husband writes: Especially the pre-cooked type you put in the microwave for 1 minute.)
Filed under: Exchange Program, Inbounds Inbounds | Tags: Bitching, FES, Inbounds, Orientation, Rebounds, Sparky
Orientation is over. Everyone lived. The program’s adults outnumbered the kids by over 2-1. By now, you realize I live love to bitch. However, since the adults are all volunteers, and I gave up my position of ‘Queen of the Universe’, I’ll play nice. The t-shirts were nicely folded.
I had a great time with the new kids. I had them all to myself for over an hour at the beginning. I missed the parent-counselor orientation meeting to chaperone the kids. Someone had to chaperone them, you can’t just leave 15 students who just met each other standing in a parking lot. That’s not a very hospitable welcome. I passed out squirtguns, and that broke the ice. They had fun, and got to know each other a bit. This is the smallest group we’ve ever had, and they all seem like good kids.
Husband and I got to spend time with some of our former outbound students. We love catching up. Three of our favorites were at Orientation; one just returned from an interview at Harvard, the second graduated magna cum laude with a double major, and the third is donating a kidney next month. Impressive! (The organ donation deserves it’s own posting.)
We got Sparky’s gift finally. My own fault for not being able to meet Ian before yesterday. I opened it in the car, and started crying. The damn kid sprayed his cologne all over everything, and it smelled like him. He sent us his flag, because he just hated seeing large flags of other countries in his room, in his house. I’m supposed to use his to cover one of the others. He wrote a wonderful letter, too. We miss Sparky.
Filed under: Culture, Exchange Students, Home | Tags: Advice, Culture Shock, Inbounds, Outbounds, Sparky
11 days until the Boy returns to his ‘real’ home. He’ll always have a home here, but it’ll only be for short periods, unless we can get him here for college. (doubtful) Generally, one student returns for college each year. It’s the same with the US students; at least one or two annually go abroad for their education. We love hearing about University in Czech Republic, Argentina, Nicaragua, Japan, etc.
I tell the students, counselors, host parents, and real parents You’ve become ‘one of us’ if you had a successful year.You will have culture shock when you return home. It may be worse than culture shock when you arrived. No one expects reverse culture shock. They assume it will a smooth return to their ‘real’ lives. The students look like us, dress like us, even have their hair cut like us. They even think like us- and in English!
The students are never fully French, Thai, Indian, or Peruvian again. They are citizens of the world. They go home loving their new country, and appreciating their home country. People won’t understand why the students are sad to be home. They won’t understand they’ve left a piece of their hearts here. People don’t understand why they mourn the loss of people they’ve known only 9-12 months, the Americans not REAL friends and family. Frequently it’s worse because they may never see these people again.
Tips- Photos-Condense your favorite photos into a small album or on your Ipod of 50-60 pictures. Most people won’t look at more without being bored. Also good to keep the photos nearby for you to look at often.
Language problems-speak English without realizing it. Forget words in your native language. You will be translating from your language to English and back. It takes time, but language will come back.
Sleep problems-can’t sleep, dream in English for a while still.
Missed Culture-you were gone a whole year and things changed – dances, fashions, slang.
Parents, siblings, friends, pets reactions- Each year, some kids make plans with their friends to go away for a few days or week the day after their return. You owe it to your parents to stay with them your first week. Don’t be selfish. You’ve matured. Have patience with your parents. They think you’re the same kid who left last fall. You’re not the same, you’re still you, but it’s a different you. Your brothers and sisters have grown and matured this last year.Their roles in the family may have changed. You may lose some friends. Look for older kids. People will listen to your entire year for about 5 minutes before they lose interest, and want to tell you about their year.
Don’t make major decisions for the first few months. Give yourself time. No longer a citizen of your native country, you’re now a citizen of the world. You see the world differently. You’ll always want to travel. Your thoughts about your country might be different than when you left it. Pets or small children may be angry with you for abandoning them. People from your country might not believe you are one of them – You act like an American.
Wry Exchange 
